So not only did I find out I was divorcing and had to contend with a narcissist spouse divorce and parental alienation. I found I was part of the growing statistics of Grey Divorces as well!

A Grey divorce is the new trend of baby boomers who are 50 years + and the divorce rate is escalating for this group according to new statistics. I will include an article below about the Grey Divorce.

I don’t particularly like the phrase grey as this sends me an image of grey hair which is what I am sure the person who coined this particular phenomenon might have meant it to.

A grey divorce is particularly difficult to deal with because most of us have all put in at least 20+ years of marriage, probably had children and there has been a big investment into this marriage. For the abnormal marriage those of us that have stuck it out in the abusive cycle – we have sacrificed a lot. We have adapted our personalities to plaster this marriage and keep it going all these years costing us our very identities – becoming something we are not.

So upon embarking on my divorce from a very abnormal marriage, resulting in parental alienation that shook me to my core and hurt me deeply, with fighting with my vengeful ex for 4 years after the divorce. It is very difficult picking yourself up and saying: “Its time to be selfish and look after yourself first” . That is not what I have been doing for 20+ years and if you have so adapted to keeping the peace in the home and have forsaken yourself for so long, guess what happens? You do not know who you are anymore.

I have to reinvent myself, discover what my likes and dislikes are – not reliant on the ex or the children’s likes and dislikes. It is scary and it is challenging, I am still getting there. Sometimes you have to push your own boundaries and take a chance to discover the new you, but its worth it. I have to remind myself daily that it is worth it to take charge of our lives and find ourselves again. Regain our self worth.

Anyone with interesting comments and ideas about how we can move forward and find ourselves again or who has done it with success, let us know please.

Isobel

Senior Divorce Support