by Isobel E. Richard

This is my story some of you might see some similarities to your own story.l Each and every targeted parent has their own stories dealing with the other parent who has fully entrenched, brainwashed and alienated our children from us. 

My children are now just 18 and the eldest about to turn 20. Young adults and yet so deluded about my life. Our divorce at his insistence started 4 years ago. His alienation began 3 months after he asked for divorce. The children were then barely 14 and 16.  As many others I was a loving mother who had devoted my time to my children and given up climbing the corporate ladder by working mornings only so that I could be mom’s taxi and take care of the kids in the afternoon.  I never in my wildest dreams thought that my children would turn against me and for that matter their father either.  So imagine my shock and horror when suddenly they align with him and start denigrating me as badly as he has been doing for the last 20 years of marriage! Shock, horror, trauma, I did not know what was happening in my life. I was coping with the end of a 20 year marriage to someone that was emotionally abusing me, my kids had grown up this way and thought it was normal and now dad had persuaded them I was the enemy.

Eleven months later I finally read an article about parental alienation and everything clicks, every single thing that is mentioned.  But it’s too late, the children don’t want to listen to my side of the story, dad has told them I am a pathological liar, I am crazy and there is something wrong with me, I am vengeful and just want to get their dad for divorcing me! All things that are lies and deceit from someone that is truly trying to get me back and finally found the way he could do it, through my children who I would do anything for. 

Its a hurt you cannot get back from.  It’s devastating beyond measure and then he does not stop there he bombards you with insane requests and demands in the divorce agreement that leaves you reeling and you cannot stay on your toes, you are emotionally a wreck after this.

So skip on four devastating years later and suddenly out of the blue your kids are staying with you in the holidays, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth I am grateful for any time I can spend with them, and it’s almost like the days of old but they do insist on material things I can barely afford but I go “way” over budget to accommodate them but you cannot buy love as they do not understand you are paying for things you truly cannot afford. Then the cracks appear, they demand much more and are angry because I say I cannot afford it. I try to start telling them some truths they did not want to hear previously showing them facts for the lies they have been told, but it is as if by magic they just switch off or refuse to listen as if daddy is right there telling them not to listen to me, despite the fact that they all believe lies about my financial position and I am trying to show them that this is not true with actual statements of my actual financial position but their excuses are bizarre and without foundation.

I even overhear one of my children talking to dad as if she is with me against her will and would rather be with dad, but dad has apparently told them he has no money for food and needs to stay with me, emotionally abusing them as well and they cannot see it.  Yet this man has a trust fund with millions and my children are also beneficiaries, but he has brainwashed them to believe the money cannot be used by them or himself. He is a miser beyond belief and even after the divorce is trying to financially abuse me further.

So here I am, between a rock and a hard place as he has persuaded the children that he is paying the eldest for college and now has no more money for himself and food. Emotional abuse, this man has a salary that far exceeds mine even after I returned to work full day after the divorce, my age and loss of experience leaving me with a small salary barely able to cope with the basics in life. I also agreed to take on one of the children’s monthly medical expenses which I cannot afford at all and still that is not enough for him or for the children. As I said before he has a large trust fund which has sufficient funds to look after him and the children for their further education and he does not touch the money and they are angry if I bring it up. He has persuaded them I want the money. How I do not understand as I could have fought for it before my divorce and chose not to as I wanted him to look after the children. So now my youngest has to go to college and has been accepted but he has told her he cannot afford it and she must get the money from me. She must have been upset about this as she told me recently she forged my signature for acceptance into college. The problem is if the college comes to me for the money, I do not have it and she has committed fraud.  And of course it’s all my fault

I am torn and would love to help my child but they have no sympathy for my predicament and even if I went to the bank and signed surety for a loan, I have no guarantee that she will not turn around and leave me with the debt, which I cannot repay.  So here I am having to make a choice where I lose either way and he knows it. I have to tell my child that she will have to ask the trustees for the money which she refuses to do and therefore will be left not being able to go to college as I cannot pay. She will hate me and he will enjoy this, he is absolutely refusing to pay and maybe he will turn around and decide to pay for her, but I doubt it. He will enjoy the fact that  the youngest who was not completely alienated, she still wanted to be around me despite believing her father’s lies, will then probably cross over to the other side completely as her mother is too selfish to pay for her college.

It is really a horrible state of affairs if as a targeted parent you hold out for years hoping your children will see the truth eventually as they reach adulthood to realise that for me anyway at this point my children could not care less about my wellbeing or my future and just stay with me to get as much as they can from me.

For other alienated parents, do not despair, I have been told children only become true adults much later, so I will wait as they grow older to see if they recognise the truth some time. If not then the narcissist has truly won as they so often do.  Life to them is not about their children, they are just used to effect whatever results they require, Life is about winning at all cost to attain all their selfish needs.