by Isobel E. Richard
Parental alienation is a very controversial subject and many don’t even know what it is, but the most dangerous is those who actually think they know and advise parents incorrectly. I saw red recently when a divorce site actually said that as a parent it was your duty to say something about parental alienation to the other parent BEFORE you became targeted and discuss the possibility of parental alienation with the other parent. All I can say is lady, you obviously haven’t got a clue about parental alienation and then to go and put it on a website to totally confuse the poor parent who is already confused, hurt and upset about what has happened in his/her life with your totally untrue point of view is a travesty of justice. You cannot blame the victim of parental alienation, they already are confused and emotionally wrought about how this happened in their life .
Does she think that communicating with this parent is going to help? I ask once again, if you do not know what parental alienation is about even the theory won’t help you understand, there are millions of parents out there like myself that have lived through it and its the worst pain and torture one parent can inflict on another. There are children out there who have survived this and they are so angry with the “social workers” and “court systems” for allowing this to happen to them after they realized many years later that they rejected a perfectly loving parent and were themselves emotionally abused by the alienating parent.
First of all the alienating parent is obviously not someone to talk to and communicate with, there is something intrinsically wrong with someone who will do this to their children. And then she missed the whole point as if the alienating parent can be reasoned with! These “evil” parents don’t do this without realizing, they do this to take vengeance against the other parent. They do not actually care about their children, they care about their own selfish feelings, and the best way to get back at the other parent which is through their children. And in general the most parents that turn to parental alienation are parents that sit on the narcissistic spectrum from mild to pathological. How do you reason with pathological personalities.
I am happy to say that recently two new articles have been published about parental alienation. I will include a link to them at the bottom of this article. The main problem is that the legal system and everyone involved in helping make decisions within the high conflict divorce do not understand or believe parental alienation. The theory is great but actually helping targeted parents and their children does not work in practice. So I hope wholeheartedly the new articles help to prevent further abuse from alienating parents.
I cannot explain the horror when you have had no problems with your child and you had a normal loving relationship, where they still actually spoke to you about boys/girls and things happening in their lives, you spent a lot of time actually sacrificing self for them, taking them to their lessons and activities, there was NO problem, yes you shouted at them if they did not do their homework, but that is normal parenting. And then things like shouting at them becomes “ABUSE” within a matter of months of divorce proceedings. Parental abuse is becoming an increasing phenomenon in divorces. Historically it used to be the mom who received custody and bad-mouthed the father, but as times have changed and both parents get 50/50 contact so the narcissistic father has shown his face and parental alienation has increased with fathers also increasingly becoming the perpetrators.
I myself did not even know something like Parental alienation existed until it was too late. If this had happened to someone else and that person had explained it to me I acknowledge I would have been doubtful before this happened to me. The full horror of this is only apparent to those who have actually experienced it and it is a pain beyond belief, the type of torture I would not want to inflict on my worst enemy.
Isobel
Parental alienation as Child abuse and Domestic Violence
Evidence from a Decade of Reuniting Alienated Children and Parents in the UK
Divorce poison – (book available)
Hope and Empowerment for Alienated Parents and their Children